


Arranged Apathy

by Donotmind_mehere



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys Kissing, Chorus (Red vs. Blue), Chorus Trilogy (Red vs. Blue), Cussing, Dialogue Light, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grimmons, Hair-pulling, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Internal Monologue, Kissing, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Dexter Grif, POV Dick Simmons, Pining, Sleeping Together, Smoking, Temple of Procreation (Red vs. Blue), Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-23 10:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30053991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donotmind_mehere/pseuds/Donotmind_mehere
Summary: Weird things happen when you’re in love.
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Simmons closes his eyes and is bombarded with a moment that instantly makes him open them again. He shakes his head and blinks a couple times before trying again to forget the memory that sprouted wings and took flight into nearly every thought he’s had over the past couple months. 

There was no way that temple should have worked on either of them. 

At least not in the way that it did. 

And yet it did. 

Simmons closes his eyes again and sees the same memory again only this time he wants to remember. 

He wants to close his eyes and see  _ his  _ face slick with sweat, feel his lips on his own, he tries to imagine that the hand grasping his dick beneath the sheets is Grif’s. 

He has a room to himself now but that doesn’t stop him hiding underneath an excess of pillows and blankets as he tries in vain to relive that night. 

He closes his eyes tightly when he cums, biting his thumb to muffle the inevitable moan that always seems to follow.

He hates himself for this and after he’s done changing and burying his messy pants far away, steps out of his room and concedes that he might not get any sleep tonight. 

_ They weren’t locked in the closet like they told the others, though maybe the closet excuse was a little too on the nose.  _

_ No they were in the halls long before the temple had been turned on, it was innocent at first, that’s what he tells himself on nights like this.  _

_ They were talking at first.  _

_ Just talking. _

_ “What do you plan to do now that we’re free of this bullshit?” Grif asked, a cup of beer in his hand.  _

_ Simmons sighed and looked at the lights emanating from the party going on in the other building.  _

_ “Go home maybe, if home is still there, maybe I’ll just reenlist and keep doing the only thing I’m good at...how about you?” He asked, having never truly considered a life after all this.  _

_ “Go home too I guess , track down Kai…” he trailed off and set his cup down “why would you reenlist? The war is over.”  _

_ “I don’t know.” Simmons told him “ I just never thought I’d live long enough to get to make that choice.”  _

_ Grif let out a soft breath upon hearing this and in retrospect Simmons knew exactly what he was doing.  _

_ “How could you say that about yourself? Simmons you might not be the smartest person when it comes to common sense but you’re smart almost smarter than Lopez! “  _

_ Grif pushed himself off the wall and before Simmons had a chance to respond, Grif was kissing him. _

_ This was something completely foreign to Simmons and a fear like feeling overwhelmed him as he pushed Grif off of him.  _

_ A look of regret overcame Grif’s face and he immediately apologized  _

_ “I’m sorry I just, I thought we were...look I’m sorry.” He said and he began to walk off not really giving Simmons a chance to reply.  _

_ It wasn’t until he was half way down the hall when Simmons was finally able to process what had just happened.  _

_ “That was my first kiss...” Simmons said to Grif in a dream like tone.  _

_ “Simmons, I said I’m sorry…” Grif tried again.  _

_ “Grif you idiot.” Simmons bit his lip in complete embarrassment “I got overwhelmed, I’ve never kissed anyone before….”  _

_ Grif’s eyes flicker down for a moment before it finally clicks with him.  _

_ “Simmons we don’t have to…”  _

_ “I know…” Simmons says, his voice low, trying to imitate the way Grif’s voice can sound like warm honey.  _

_ Grif complies and walks back to the shorter man, when he reaches him he pushes him against the wall, holding his arms above his head and kisses him again but this time with a ferocity that fully entails his intent. _

_ This is all uncharted territory for Simmons so he follows again with the motions of what Grif is doing and when his hands are finally released, well,  _

_ “Are you sure you want this?” Grif whispers softly in his ear.  _

_ “Yes.” Simmons says as a tingle runs itself down his back.  _

_ Grif looks around as he leads Simmons into some random person’s room.  _

_ None of what happens next is like what Simmons thought it’d be. Grif is gentle and whispers loving words into space around them, nothing implicating his true feelings but empty platitudes that could be given to anyone in his literal and metaphorical position.  _

He remembers every moment of that night. How they ran back to the party afterwards and pretended to be there the whole time. 

How when the alien orgy started they hid inside a closet and fell asleep in each other's arms. 

How when Simmons woke up, Grif wasn’t there anymore even though it was still early. 

How Grif never left for Earth and he never re-enlisted. 

And how every night since then, he feels a deep longing ache that he’s unable to place and attempts to fill that slowly growing void in himself by thinking endlessly about that night. 

Grif hasn’t mentioned what happened. 

And when Simmons found him the next morning he was in his bed like nothing had ever happened. 

“God what’s wrong with me…” Simmons sighs as he looks out into the beautiful landscape of their new home. 

“You’re a kiss-ass for starters.” He hears Grif’s voice behind him. 

His heart clenches and the guilt of what he did not too long ago drops on him like a bucket of water. 

Fuck. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does the world really take on new meaning when the perspective changes?

He’s funny. He doesn’t know that about himself but it’s true, he’s funny and when he gets to talking about something he loves, Grif could listen to him for hours. 

He doesn’t know how it happened, when he fell in love with Simmons, but just...one night back in the shitty canyon, Grif was looking at him and his heart raced a little faster than it should have.

There are no words in Grif’s vocabulary that could accurately describe the way he felt the night he was lying in bed alone with his thoughts; he only glanced over at Simmons before he pulled a pillow over his own head and exhaled as if was angry. 

Was he angry? No anger isn’t the right word. 

Disappointed? Annoyed?

No. 

No single word seems to fit right. 

Maybe the word or emotion doesn’t need to fit perfectly. 

Maybe nothing anyone could say will fit exactly right. 

Except...all that changed the night Grif finally said  _ fuck it _ under his breath, took a sip of liquid courage and just kissed him already. 

It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and in his heart, when he felt Simmons’ lips pressed against his, he no longer had to hide this fear that ate away at him, the fear of losing his best friend, the fear of losing someone he  _ loved _ . 

It melted away that night. 

And when Grif took Simmons into some rando’s room, watched as he stripped the thin layers of walls between them, everything fell into place. 

And when it was all over….Grif wanted nothing more than to just kiss him, one more time, to know that this wasn’t a dream...but Simmons insisted “ _ we should get back to the party…” _

So he compiled without objection. It wasn’t a shock to see what was happening when they got to the party, Grif had an idea of who was responsible..

And for once, he just wanted to leave.

And then Simmons pulled him into a nearby storage closet, he didn’t know what to say. 

What was there to say? 

Nothing, apparently because they just sat down and fell asleep. 

Simmons head on his shoulder, his body supported by Grif’s. 

Grif had never been here before. 

Hopelessly in love. 

Complying with someone’s every wish without them uttering a word. 

There wasn’t an escape. 

Everything Simmons said or did was like a shot of adrenaline. 

He hung onto every word Simmons said so much that often he forgot what was happening in the greater world around them, it was like living in a waking dream. 

He remembers waking up before Simmons. 

His face was gentle, relaxed, the weight of the world had yet to fall upon him.

Gift would have carried him back to his room. But there was,

_ Knock  _

_ Knock  _

_ Knock  _

_ On the door that separated them from the outside world. Grif rushed to tell whoever was on the other end of it to go away….. _

_ “Hey. Assho-“ it was Caboose, oh thank god. _

_ “Hey Grif!” He said in his normal chipper tone.  _

_ “Shhh” Grif said, looking back into the room to make sure Simmons was still asleep “what do you want??”  _

_ “I was just wondering why you and Simmons were in there?”  _

_ “We um...we go locked in…”  _

_ “Really?!” Caboose gasped. _

_ “Yes, shhh…”  _

_ “reaaallly?” He said quieter but with an equal amount of surprise.  _

_ “Yeah. Thanks for helping.” _

_ “Of course! I love to help! We should go tell Washington!”  _

_ “Okay okay fine, just stop yelling.” _

_ “Let’s go tell Washington.” Caboose said in that monotone voice that makes you roll your eyes. _

It’s been a couple months since then. 

And somehow….things didn’t change. At first Grif was surprised…they had sex for fuck sake! And Simmons wasn’t the kind of person that just casually hooks up before a planet wide orgy. Right?

Maybe he regretted it? 

Grif doesn’t know. What he does know, is that this is the closest they’ve been in months and he doesn’t want to waste it.

There isn’t a lot of conversation exchanged before their hands meet, finger over finger, palm in palm, it strikes a sickening feeling of guilt in Grif’s chest that he has never been able to understand, even before all this. 

“There isn’t anything wrong with you…” Grif says, gently tightening his grip on Simmons’ hand. 

“except that I’m a kiss ass?” Simmons mumbles in that way that Grif knows he probably shouldn’t have said that in the first place. 

“I didn’t mean that.” 

“Mean what…” Simmons asks, turning to face the taller man. 

“I didn’t mean what I said.” Grif says, attempting to place his free hand on Simmons cheek. 

“Is that the only thing?” Simmons asks, moving his head ever so slightly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean…” Simmons trails off for a moment and bites his lip in the same way that nearly mimicked the way he did that night. Blood immediately rushes into Grif’s ears and he can no longer objectively hear what Simmons is telling him.

_ I love you, Grif wants to say. I don’t know what makes this different from any other person at any other time in my life but I love you, because you make my heart beat fast and my head go dumber, you make the world so much better that if I were to ever be without you again, it would be painful in a way I don’t know if I could handle.  _

“Grif?” Simmons asks, looking up into your eyes, his face smarter with a soft blush that means he just told him something he definitely should have been paying attention to. 

_ I wasn’t listening, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about how much I love you. _

Instead of saying that Grif gives in and kisses him again. Feeling that same unexplainable feeling wash over him, like it did that night a couple months ago.

_I love you_ _Grif wants to say,_ as they finally pull apart and both their eyes are full of stars. 

But instead he doesn’t.

He doesn’t know what to say. 

And Simmons is looking at him like there’s something he’s supposed to say. 

Except he doesn’t say anything . 

Neither of them know what to say or do as they stand there for a little too long before Simmons walks away a little too fast and Grif smokes his last pack of cigarettes, wanting nothing more than to live that night again. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Dancing around the subject.

That’s what they did. 

For a little a bit, at least. 

It wasn’t intentional, at first. 

It just happened. 

Simmons went back to the roof a couple nights later, he couldn't sleep….and well there  _ he  _ was. 

Staring up at the starless sky, a lit cigarette between his lips, he wasn’t even paying attention to the sound of the footsteps coming toward him, Simmons could have just left. 

He should have just left. 

But he walked over to him, placed his hand in his hand, he felt the soft sting of Grif’s cigarette smoke enter his lungs before he tasted it on his lips, then on his tongue. 

Grif looked at him like he wanted to say something. His lips parted once, twice, but not a third time.

Instead he wraps his fingers into Simmons’ out of regulation hair and pulls him into another heated kiss. 

Simmons moans softly, accidentally, almost instinctively letting his fingers graze the hem of Grif’s pants. 

_ Fuck _ they both think when Grif notices. 

There was no awkward pause.

Just a silent agreement as Grif proceeded to carry Simmons to his room. 

It doesn’t always end with them lying in someone’s bed, pretending like there isn’t a conversation that needs to be had. 

Sometimes they stay on the roof of their newly built home. 

Talking like they did that night. 

No smoke. 

No alcohol. 

Almost no pretending.

Just them. 

_ “I think those constellations only exist on Earth.” Simmons says when Grif tries to find the Big Dipper. _

_ “Shouldn’t they be the same?” Grif asks “like the same stars?”  _

_ “Well we’re in one of the outer colonies….maybe if we were on Mars or Luna.”  _

_ “You’d think they’d have made new constellations…” Grif says, his gaze slowly turning back to the sky above. _

_ “Well most of the ones you’re thinking of were conceptualized before space travel was even a thought in anyone’s mind.”  _

_ Grif can’t help himself but to smile, because Simmons is such a nerd.  _

_ “ I love you…” Grif lets out an audible sigh and doesn’t realize his mistake until he feels Simmons’ eyes boring holes into face.  _

_ “What did you just say….?” Simmons asks, his heart feeling like it’s frozen in place.  _

_ “Fuck...Simmons I didn’t mean to say that.” Grif says, knowing the damage has already been done.  _

  
  


_ And then there's a long silence between them.  _

_ How do they rewind time?  _

_ Go back to when they were just friends.  _

_ Go back to when they’d just bicker in that canyon like an old married couple.  _

_ Go back to when all they did was stare, eyes wide open, zero words exchanged, just the lingering ambiguity of what they might have meant to each other.  _

_ Go back to before... _

_ Fuck.  _

_ “It’s fine.” Simmons says “we should probably be heading to bed anyway...it’s late.” _

_ It isn’t late at all. _

_ Only too late to take it back.  _

Simmons lays in his bed and wonders why he did that, why he didn’t tell Grif the truth. 

Tell him “I love you too.”

Profess his love, kiss him like he did that night a few months ago, recreate every aspect of that night. Fall asleep together, wake up together…..spend the rest of their lives together. Why didn’t he do that? 

Life doesn’t have a lot of easy answers so in the end, he just lies there, willing Grif to come in his room, yell at him and demand to know why they’ve been sleeping together all this time if he didn’t love him. If he didn’t want to be with him. 

_ Why would kiss me, hold my hand, have sex with me, and doing all this romantic shit if you didn’t love me! Grif would yell.  _

_ And Simmons would respond with, I do love you! I’m just an idiot and I didn’t know what to say and I got nervous and...froze up and then you took it back and this all just a mess _ .

_ Then everything would be okay.  _

Except….

That doesn’t happen. 

Neither one of them went to the roof after that night. 

Not even to see if the other was there. 

Instead they both lay in their beds, imagining the other waiting for them wondering what each other is thinking. 

The tension froze up before a slow fire began to build across the bridge and faster than the passion ignited….

It was dying….


End file.
